I bet he comes in French.
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
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