He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
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