Non-Jews are for practice
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Randomize
