all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
