I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
