dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
