does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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