I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
