Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
