and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
