can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
