I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
