So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Randomize
