i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Randomize
