One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize