when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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