I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize