remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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