do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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