The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Randomize
