oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
