are you still at the devil's house?
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
