your thong is hanging out like whoa
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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