what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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