We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
