plz talk dirty to me
I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize