it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize
