Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
