i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Randomize
