i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
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