i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
My vagina just recognized that song.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Damn victory sex feels great
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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