I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
