Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Randomize