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I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
