Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Randomize
