I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
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