Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
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