It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
