I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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