Taylor Swift is so right about you.
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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