take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Randomize
