are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize