we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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