So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
