worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Randomize
