I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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