At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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