im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
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