I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
