Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
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