I feel like abortions should bother me more
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Randomize
