i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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