I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Randomize
