It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
