so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
