Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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