HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
