so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
