I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
