Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
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