she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Randomize
