We're facebook friends in real life
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Randomize