I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
