thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
