her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
