If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
