The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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