The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
