thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I'm passing your future prison.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
