One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
