i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
