she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
