So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
