If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
