Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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