There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
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