Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
Randomize
